i cant believe this was an actual essay i handed in in year 8
Why I don’t like Bananas.
Firstly, a banana is botanically referred to as a berry. This causes great confusion for minds such as mine. For I usually see berries as the small round fruits that are juicy and sweet. But no, the banana is a long yellow type of thing. I like to think of it as neither fruit or vegetable. I see it as just an inanimate object not worthy of a status.
Secondly, what sends shudders down my spine, is the way they are called fingers. 1 banana = a finger and 15 – 20 bananas = a hand. In my imagination this gives them a human like quality. As if the tree that they were grown on was like a person, and it spawns some big yellow hands. They would be just standing there, enjoying life, when along comes a black man and he viciously harvests its limbs without consent.
Bananas can have a bad influence on your health if you eat to many of them as well. If the sodium gets to low and the potassium too high, it throws off the human electrolyte system, and can cause problems from mild gastrointestinal problems to kidney problems, to severe cardiac problems. Cardiac arrest could mean death if the sodium gets too low and the potassium gets too high. Not that I understood any of that, but it sounds bad.
My first bad experience with a banana was at the age of 8. My mum had returned from shopping with some fresh bananas, I ran to the bag and plucked one from his group of mates. It was all green, and at this age I thought it was a good sign. Cracking it open I took a large bite only to find it was hard and made a crunch as I bit into it. Still chewing away, my mind was now confused. I didn’t know if this was what a banana tasted like or if it was even a banana. I swallowed it with a gulp and took another bite. God knows why I did that. But at this point I was completely mythed. The taste was absolutely vile. 10 minutes later I was violently sick. From that day on, I have hated bananas.
I also have a fear of buying bananas now. I took a trip to Tescos to get some bananas. Well not only to get bananas, that would be weird. I scanned the shelves for the bananas, only to find there was a woman with her trolly infront of them. I waited patiently behind her and she examined the bananas. Eventually she reached in but suddenly stopped, quickly withdrawing her hand, followed by a loud scream. She turned to me and told me to get a member of staff. I looked to see what she was going on about, only to find a giant spider sitting on the bunch of bananas. Poor fella must of got imported over with them. Never the less, I still never reach into the shelf, just incase.
But overall, what I hate most about bananas is the disappointment factor. You’ve just bought a nice healthy bunch of bananas, skins all ripe and yellow. I personally analyze them very well, scanning every inch of it for brown spots. I tell myself to prepare for the disappointment that awaits me, but I refuse to believe something as perfect on the outside could be horrible on the inside. I go to open the banana but I’m caught short in my stride as the stem just bends and leaks a watery mush. In my attempts to succeed in opening it, for the goodness inside, I begin to gnaw at the top, the chalky flavor of the skin spreading onto my taste buds, and makes me screw up my face in discust. Eventually I have an opening, to which I begin to peel away the poor creatures skin, halfway down its body. So far so good. After taking a few bites I peel its skin more, at this point in my mind, the little yellow being is screaming for mercy. Only to find now that I have been munching away at the decaying corpse of a banana. The grey stuff covers just a few patches, but still, its enough to make me throw the rest away.
